And I have no idea how, but I forgot to mention that I got into Evergreen State College!  YAY!

Current Mood: excited

This week I did some subbing at Little River.  And last week too.  (That's how I could afford my VCH.  The price was $68.50 and I got paid $70 a day.)  I did four days total.  It was nice to add something my bank account too because I always feel like I'm taking money but not depositing any.  So that's good.

Today I felt bad because when I was searching under my bed for something, a little spider ran out towards a pile of my clothes.  And I quickly snatched a tissue and crushed it.   At the time I'm just thinking that I don't want to find spider in my pants tomorrow, but after I do it, I feel awful and I think that I should just pick up the thing and take it outside.  It wasn't even scary a scary one.  Not like a huge body and fat legs.  Just a teeny one with thready legs and a pin body.  I mean, imagine you've been living somewhere and your house is demolished and you start running away.  Then someone squashes you.   I don't even know if the thing was dead when I threw it away which is so cruel.  I'm mean.

Current Mood: disappointed

So...I got it done.  I GOT IT DONE!!!
Like, an hour and a half ago!!!

I walked in there and I wasn't really nervous at all.  I talked to the lady a little bit, filled out the forms. Will called me and then he actually came to be with me <3  I have the best boyfriend.  So I went in there, and it kinda looked like a doctors office.  And the I got in the table and she put the receiving tube in.  I was really glad it was a girl.  The other place had a dude and that might have been awkward, especially because I kinda know him.  But then Will sat up by my head where I could see him and held my hand.   He's wonderful.  The pain was so fast actually.  In and out.  Done.  And then she put the jewelry in fast and it was done.  The pain lasted less than a second and was so much less than what I expected.  There's nothing like the pain of anticipation though. :P  But it looks awesome!! I feel so cool!  Way cooler than I should.   It was worth it.  Yay for VCH!!

Current Mood: excited

So, lately I've been itching to get a piercing.  I've never been pierced with anything besides those Claire's piercing guns back when I was 3 years old and decided to get my ears done to be like my mom.  And I really like monroes  and I think getting a center labret and a medusa together looks cool, but until I leave, I don't want to do anything like that because my dad would go haywire.  Plus with braces that would be a bad idea.  So I was thinking about something more concealed.  Like a VCH.  In case you don't know what that means, it stands for Vertical Clit Hood.  Like a piercing.  I researched and called around, and I think I want to do it.  So HA!

Current Mood: creative

I talked to Will today.  He's in New Mexico right now to look at St. John's College, he actually did that today.  I wish he would get a cell phone or something.  There are some really cheap pay as you go ones.  I should just buy him one.  It would be better for everyone.  Anyway, his dad uses a cell phone for a house phone, so they brought that with them.  I got a phone call from him, but sure enough, the battery ran out and they didn't bring the charger. So it died on us and we switched to gmail.  He told me that he didn't get this one job he applied to.  I've kind of been worried about this job actually.  I mean, last year my ex left right at the beginning of summer.  And it seemed like he was hoping to take off at the beginning of summer.   Now, I really don't mind that he wants to get out of the dinky little town that is Potsdam.  But seriously, you're going to college or to some other job.  Why can't you spare your friends (and girlfriend) 2 more months before you disappear forever?  I kind of think the only thing that's keeping him around is finishing school.  I sometimes feel like he would have taken off months ago if he had known about the option to finish high school early at SUNY.  And it's not like I expect him to stay around forever with me.  I just wish he'd slow down.  I know he's going to leave at some point this year.  I know we'll be separated.  I'm getting a sense of déjà vu, which I think isn't really that weird considering I had someone leave me last year too.

Yeah.  So he told me he didn't get it.  And expressed my sadness.  But then he said something to me which seemed like he wasn't as sad about it as I had thought, so I also expressed a happiness because I half didn't want him to go.  Then he said nothing.  I'm afraid that he was upset at me.  Even though I asked him, and he said no, I think I might have seemed a bit like someone happy to force him to spend time doing something he didn't want to.

I want to be together, but if he wants to leave, I don't have any right to hold him back.  I mean this in both a physical sense and a romantic.  My mom thinks it's a very American way to insist that couples have to be together 100% of the time and told me about how in my dad's country it's normal for a man to marry, come to the US, set up a life, and have the wife come over.  She doesn't mean I should marry him, of course, she just thinks that it's be normal to sometimes be apart and sometimes together.  I don't really know what I think, nor do I think it matters.  I just know from experience that when I'm in love and separated, I don't function as well.  But when I detach myself, I set myself for a better standard of living.  That leaves me with some pretty silly choices, doesn't it?  We could be arm in arm for eternity, which I'm positive I would get sick to death of quickly, no matter who it was.  Not to mention, that is impractical.  Second, there's misery for several years, they potential happiness.  Note the potential.  You never know if they'll find another.  And third, I make myself apathetic the second he leaves.  There's always the fourth choice which seems like it would be a little more prevalent this time around.  The fourth is waiting also.  But the difference between number two and number four, is that with two, the other has no idea you want to wait and with four it's mutual.

He said to me that he doesn't think it has to be necessarily over when he leaves.  I hate regurgitating things like this.  It makes me seem like such a mindless wench or something.  But I guess it's important to me because last time, I was told that it was the end.  It was like an execution date which slowly came closer as you watched, all the while knowing your head was soon to be cut off.

This is so fucking ridiculous!!!

I think I remember this song that said something like "If anything could keep me here, it would be you."  Obviously that guy still left.  Thanks for the last sentiment, right?

Plus, Becoming Jane was a really good movie, but insanely depressing.

Current Mood: disappointed